For the second weekly installment of my clever quotes, and by “my clever quotes,” I mean quotes that other people came up with that I’m quoting, I present to you “the miscellaneous collection.”
I keep telling myself, “jumping on the moving fair train as it passes by is a terrible idea. It only works in the movies.” But then I keep hearing the whistle sound day and night, and I know that if I really tried, I could definitely pull it off. It’s like the sirens’ song, only it’s a train whistle.
If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
The trouble with resisting temptation is it may never come again.
Plaintiff had never been on a trampoline before, with the possible exception of one time, which may or may not have been a dream, when he was less than five years old.
Avoid clichés like the plague. (They’re old hat)
I’m not a stalker, I just like to know where people live.
Safety is no accident.
On law school: Three years ago, when asked a legal question, I could answer, in all honesty, ‘I don’t know.’ Now I can say with great authority, ‘It depends.’
Tradition is the illusion of permanence.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, “Quit while you’re ahead?”
Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
Ever notice how people who tell you to calm down are the ones who got you mad in the first place?
When I was little, my grandfather used to make me stand in a closet for five minutes without moving. He said it was elevator practice.
Life is sexually transmitted.
I am terrible at phone sex. I tend to laugh too much and over describe the room.
Honesty pays, but it don’t seem to pay enough to suit some people.
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.
I know He’s up there watching…but hopefully not me and not too closely.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel good.
The most dangerous predator of liberals is the real world. They hide from it in college campuses.
I miss you like Michael Bay missed the point when he made Pearl Harbor.
How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America?
Do you know what an average person looks like? An average person has one tit and one testicle. Now go find me an average person.
Someday you health nuts are going to feel really ridiculous lying in hospital beds dying of nothing.