Approximately a year ago, while shopping to acquire a house that would appreciate in debt even faster than it diminished in value, I looked outside at the darkened deck of one residence and saw eyes staring back at me. Cats’ eyes. There weren’t just one or two cats, there was an entire army of cats. Although unable to discern their numbers, I knew an opportunity of that magnitude only knocks once. I promptly made an offer on the property.
As I was the first person to make an offer in the two and a half years that it’d been on the market, the sellers quickly accepted, and they were delighted when I agreed to continue feeding the cats. At closing, the sellers provided me with an information sheet about their cats, but the sheet only described two cats, which was odd, because I was sure that I’d seen more eyes than that.
Upon possession of the new house, the army was nowhere to be found. Instead, two meager cats sat unenthusiastically on my deck, one of whom appeared to have a respiratory problem, and the other of whom looked suspiciously like a mole. Despite their physical flaws, I remained dedicated, naming them Rhommel and Friendo. Friendo was the black, wheezy one, and Rhommel was the black-and-white mole-face.
Yet, I was still curious about the fleet of cats that I was sure I’d seen. Other creatures appeared on my deck. Six raccoons one night. An opossum on another night. The cat army was beginning to seem like a hoax-perhaps geared to dupe an unsuspecting cat lover like myself. Fast forward to March 21, 2009. While pulling into my driveway, I spotted Friendo running across the neighbor’s yard. This was noteworthy because Friendo usually hangs out exclusively on my back deck. Much to my surprise, ten seconds later, I spotted Friendo again, lying comfortably next to Rhommel in the bushes in my yard. The first Friendo that I’d seen in the neighbors’ driveway had been an imposter!
Hoping to get a photo of the rare occurrence of my two cats together, I hurried inside to get my camera. As always, I had to first find my camera, then change the battery, then put on my tennis shoes. By the time that I’d finished these tasks, Rhommel was on the back deck. I was a bit disappointed in Rhommel’s lack of cooperation, but I decided to nonetheless go take a photo of Friendo.
When I got to the front yard, I froze in shock. There were Rhommel and Friendo, still in the front yard. The Rhommel that I’d seen on my back deck was another imposter! I quickly took a photo of Friendo and Rhommel, then dashed into the house to photograph Imposter Rhommel, to prove that the imposters existed. Imposter Rhommel could sense that I was onto his ruse, and attempted to flee, but I managed to snap a photo during his departure.
I tried to wrap my mind around what had just occurred. There were two Rhommels and two Friendos. Two. And the cats had apparently been switching places. No wonder Friendo seemed to be in remarkably better health on some mornings. Now I couldn’t be sure how many times I’d interacted with the imposter cats. In fact, I had no way of knowing which cats were the set that legitimately belonged to me. Maybe the cats in the bushes weren’t the real Rhommel and Friendo, maybe those were the imposters. To this day, I am still unable to tell the real cats from their imposters, so I continue to feed all four of them. The moral of this story: never underestimate a cat army’s cunningness.