For whatever reason, I decided to look through my spam folder the other day. Now, if you were a spammer and you wanted your message to slip through the spam filter AND trick the recipient into opening it, you’d probably craft your e-mail to look as much like a regular e-mail as possible. You’d use words that only pop up in a regular e-mail, and avoid words that only come up in spam.
Yet, when perusing my spam box, I found that there was something clearly off about the e-mails. The senders had names like “Laree Qzesqwy” or “Lydecker Blondell.” The subject lines? “The police are outside your house!”, “Where the hell are you?”, and “Where is the document?”
Opening your spam folder is like signing onto your account only to find that it’s been switched out with that of some top secret agent, and the only way to protect your country from the Russians is to buy cheap Cialis and update your PayPal info.
Obviously, then, if they are trying to blend in, their understanding of most people’s lives is fundamentally flawed. How could this be? The answer is simple: spammers must lead far more interesting lives than we do.
Little did I know as a child that life as a detective, cat burglar, or FBI agent would have been a terrible disappointment. Clearly the only way I’ll ever satisfy my craving for high speed chases, moonlit rooftop battles, and high-tech espionage is to join the spam industry.
Incidentally, there’s been an unauthorized access to your Chase account. But if you just send me your social security number, we can get it all fixed up in no time…