Our truly dedicated fans may have noticed that, for whatever reason, I have a tendency to post a blog entry every weekend. This is by no means intentional, since we have no formal schedule for our blog postings.
However, this weekend I was tragically incapacitated when the space that once housed one of my wisdom teeth became infected. Now, you may be wondering why a mildly inconvenient sore in my mouth would be incapacitating, since blogging in no way involves the mouth.
Well, as it turns out, I have mutated into a superhero. Surprising, but true. You see, my body was somehow able to repurpose my linguistic abilities, using them to fight off the infection.
Although the healing process was accelerated, I was rendered incapable of writing. Naturally, I made a valiant effort, dreading the thought of disappointing my fans, but to no avail. All I could manage to do was mash ineffectually at the keyboard, making apelike grunting noises.
Of course, Suzanna offered to help. She said she could fill in, writing an extra blog to make up for my failure, to which I replied: “EEEK EEEK EEEEEEK!!!” and chased her away with a spear that I fashioned from a tree branch.
I’ll spare you the details of the events that followed, including the police standoff, the pursuit by the military, and my harrowing climb up the side of the Empire State Building as biplanes unleashed machine gun fire on me. Fortunately, the government granted me amnesty for my actions, on the condition that I assist with some sort of government project.
At any rate, rest assured that my blogging activities will resume as normal.